Hi all, I'm back! For some unknown reason my blog was not allowing me to post anything new, just storing it all behind the scenes as a 'draft'. frustrating. Tonight it finally allows me to make a post again! yay!
I can't believe I am a month away from return to work. Wow. I can't freakin' wait to get out of this house! And make money again! And that is true, but it is also true that this has been a year that will live in my memory as a wonderful golden gift of precious time in my life as a mum. Ryan has just snuck out of bed, crept down the stairs and is laying on top of his dad on the couch crying. I know I should stop typing and go to him, but I really don't want to. He hasn't been sleeping well and an overtired 4 year old is no fun for any of us. Mummy is so overtired I can hardly see anymore, and man am I ever cranky. Daddy can take this one. I'm sure the middle of the night one(s) will be all mine.
I gave up on the food plan and went back to my vices. I gained 2.6 lbs worth of halloween candy in the last couple weeks. Can't wait 'til Christmas (sarcasm). I'll exercise at the gym at work, I promise... ugh. Why is weight management so hard? Why am I so obsessed with it? On Oprah this week I heard Portia de Rossi read from her book about her struggle with food and anorexia and she read a passage where her internal dialogue involved calling herself a 'stupid fat bitch'. I've called myself that too, in much the same way. It made me cry to hear her read that. If I can look at her and see how ridiculous it is that she would think that about herself, can I see that is is equally as ridiculous when applied to me? Intellectually yes, but in my heart, in my body, I think not. Not yet. Maybe if I lose 30 pounds. (yes, I know that I still said these things to myself back when I weighed 118 lbs... it isn't about the number) Sad isn't it? I know it's crazy but I still feel powerless with it. My counsellor once told me that "you aren't crazy, except when you are." too true. This is a journey for me, there is no quick fix. But I keep trying.
I want to write about my yoga life. Today I had a great walk/kid play date with a woman who has started coming to the regular yoga class I attend. It was really great to talk with someone who has learned from the same teachers I have, who teaches yoga herself. I have missed my yoga community since I moved here and now I realize that I need to build a new community. This was a start of that and it felt good.
In class lately we have been practicing poses that are about increasing confidence, strength, getting grounded and getting the energy really moving in the body. Warrior poses last week. Headstand last night! It has been so long since I have practiced headstand. My core strength isn't there anymore, so I couldn't do it the way I used to, but it was still great. How often do we turn ourselves upside down as adults? It gives you a new perspective. It gets the blood and energy moving in unexpected and delicious ways. I watch my son at gymnastics and how much he loves to tumble, balance, somersault. There is something about the energy that these activities create that really nurtures our heart. Kids just know this. Adults forget it. At least I did. And I personally plan to turn myself upside down and just breathe much more often. Will go do it now! Write more soon, I promise. kiss kiss.
PS. Ryan just popped in here for a hug on his way back to bed and he wants to know what my 'story' is called. He thinks 'upside down world' is a funny title. He has been writing stories lately too, he dictates them to me and I write them in a little book for him. They are hilarious! I will post a selection of them here one day soon.
Love to all, Kim
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
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